Parenting is hard. As much as we see and can support with evidence the effectiveness of our methods when it comes to both educating and working with the behavior of children in the age groups we support, we also know that adopting these methods consistently is difficult for parents. We are all passionate about our children and we also come to the table with biases, influences, and a lifetime of experiences that may have us convinced that trying different things is either unnecessary or doomed to fail.
The toddler age group is generally seen as one of the more challenging when it comes to parenting. We are prone to disagree. While parents and toddler's alike may struggle at times with the limited communication abilities that come with the age, it turns out that there is one big thing you can do to get your toddler engaged and happy. Put them to work.
Good outcomes, regardless of where they begin, are the result of a lot of work. Outside of starting someone down the path toward examining something, quotes are – in our opinion - useless and frequently harmful. You will never really be able to understand a subject, an event, or especially a human being (including yourself), from a quote.
As a parent you may ask, “How do I help my child with social skills?”. Much like baking, using the phone to set an appointment, sweeping a floor, or getting dressed every day, maneuvering the minefield of complex social structures takes practice. Getting the social practice in requires the same thing as practical life – opportunities to try. And fail. And then try again. It is tempting as a parent to want to shield our child from the challenges and pain that social life brings.
Montessori facilitates an environment where children are free to explore, learn, and grow safely while providing guides to support children along the path. One assumption underlying this approach is that children are owners and active participants in their own lives who are capable of doing things on their own. We would go so far as to say that children begin to really own the choices that drive their lives and that they start growing apart from us from the second they are born. Controversial? Well, no. It is literally true the instant the cord is cut. As parents and educators we become blameworthy for developmental failures when we are accomplices in creating "adult children" rather than adults. This generally happens when we fail to become the guide that helps another human being desire to be in charge of creating their own story (hopefully one that is meaningful and fulfilling). The child that grows into an adult is the child that has had plenty of practice building the skills and traits that differentiate an adult from a 6 foot tall toddler.
Years ago, we came across an article written by a parent at a Houston Montessori school. In the article, the parent describes Montessori as Libertarian with a capital L. If we are being honest, we would tend to say the article "rationalizes" more than describes.
If we are being honest, we gave up on resolutions years ago. Our personal take is that life is a process of continuous development that is guaranteed to end both abruptly, and with many tasks left uncompleted. That is partially a reflection of our stoicism, but it is also an acknowledgement of the reality that life is precious and short. When we consider our wishes we take this fact into account, because if it is short for us it is short for everyone around us. We are not exceptional, special, or entitled to anything more than any of our fellow man – and that includes gaining any more of the precious seconds that tick by on our life clocks. Given this, we continue to press on with a continuously evolving personal to do list on the path to incomplete growth and personal imperfection knowing that there is no way our lists will ever be complete and that what we want today will not necessarily be what is best for us tomorrow. Life is funny that way.
There are of course numerous ways to look at parenting. For us, it is deliberate parenting that is done in a way that accomplishes something critical that is always best. That critical something is producing an adult human being who is competent, loving, humble, and joyful while simultaneously being able to live as a good neighbor and citizen.
We all belong to different communities. Many of them in fact. Some of these communities we are born into and while we have the choice to abandon them, they tend to be personally defining in a way that makes them worth working on. The obvious one is country, a community where compromise and sacrifice is worthwhile just to ensure the survival of an entity that defines millions in myriad ways (culturally, economically, institutionally). Other communities are ones that we join freely. A local lodge, a club/meetup with people of similar interests, a church, and even a neighborhood where we choose to live are all such communities.
One poorly informed criticism of Montessori is that it lets children do whatever they want. This is not only a nonsensical reading of Maria Montessori's education philosophy, it is also a surefire way to crush children and leave them with a deflated sense of self for life. That deflated person is the antithesis of the goal of what we do as Montessori educators. But raising free, satisfied, and admirable adults requires action and that includes that we as parents impose boundaries on our child. There is more than one type of boundary of course and today we are going to examine why each is important.
When children begin to name and then recognize triggers for their emotions, good and bad, they are granted a new superpower. That superpower is self-control. Self-control is critical for development and is the basis for emotional maturity in adulthood. To help children on their path to emotional maturity we are launching the emotion project next week. While our high level goal is to get children thinking about the connections between their actions and emotions, we have a series of long-term goals in mind that will probably align quite well with you as parents.
Curiosity has a lot of praise heaped on it. But for all that praise, it is in desperately short supply. We live in a time where minds are made up in social groups about complex issues - often without any sort of expertise or evidence, where accusations made against others in public are accepted pronouncements of guilt without a trial, and where questions we want answered are sent through programs that tell us only what they know we want to hear (even though there are better search engines like DuckDuckGo that don't target us with specific answers). In many ways it has become socially unacceptable to be curious while at the same time praising curiosity as if it is the best thing in the world. Thankfully, children are oblivious to the social pressures that squash our natural curiosity.
This blog isn't only for our parents at the school. This one is for the bosses to whom our parents report. But we are getting ahead of ourselves. At Greystone House we support families with children from 6 weeks old through Kindergarten. We are very fortunate in that many of our families start in our infant room and remain all the way through our programs. Not only is that a great way to provide stability for the children, but it is a wonderful opportunity for us to build a partnership and relationship over time as we get to really know the family. One thing we see over and over again that we love as much as the growth of the children is the development of our Mom's and Dad's. We like being a part of that, and we feel the need to suggest that employers be a part as well.
We find ourselves bursting at the seams in the infant room (and rapidly filling in the toddler room). Like many unexpected and negative events, the pandemic has led to a baby boom. When prospective parents call inquiring about a spot for their newborn (or soon to be newborn) and we inform them they can get on our toddler room waiting list for 2023 the shock tends to be palpable. But one nice thing about these booms (which we saw after 9/11 as well) is that it gives us an opportunity to focus messaging and education efforts in certain areas. One of those areas of focus is helping new parents understand some things they can be doing to ensure their child is getting the most developmentally speaking during some very weird times. What follows are some themes to follow with regard to what you can do with your infants and toddlers during specific developmental timeframes. These are themes and not in-depth examples because, honestly, each of these can fill a fairly lengthy document on their own.
Starting good eating habits early is critical. There is no other way to put it. Obesity in children aged 2-5 in the United States sits at 13.4%. By the teenage years it has increased to 21.2%. By adulthood it has climbed to 42.4%. And obesity continues to increase. The costs from a healthcare perspective are staggering. As we are all aware, changing habits - whether positive or negative - is hard to do. With this in mind, it is generally better to form good habits early rather than attempting to change them later. At Greystone House, we focus on proper nutrition from the earliest ages.
Fall is (thankfully) approaching and that means the potential for pleasant outdoor time in Texas. Texas offers numerous ways to enjoy the outdoors, some of which we have already covered. If you have children that can walk, stay close to you voluntarily, and respond well to verbal commands, the list of options gets much bigger and starts to include overnight camping. With this in mind, we have put together (another) list of things to do with your children on a free weekend. Holiday weekends not recommended if you are the type that avoids crowds.
Free play is something we have endorsed before,. That is – in part – because it is critical to future happiness, emotional development, creativity, social skills, political savvy, curiosity, and self-control. The science is pretty clear on this. Yet it is rare to see children engaged in free play. On the rare occasions where a cluster of children is spotted it tends to be under the supervision of a group leader at one of any number of structured activities. While those activities may be useful in terms of filling in free time, too many of them are detrimental to child development. The outcomes since the early 1980s where the trend toward extracurricular overload began are sad. Increased anxiety and depression are but two of the negative long-term effects. And because of the length and depth of the trend, we are now in an age where many parents never had the chance to enjoy the benefits of free play.
There are times when answering a question with a question is appropriate. This is rarely more true than when a child asks for an adult to solve a problem that they themselves could solve with just a little more thought. When Susie says "Bobby keeps knocking down my blocks" or Michael says "This puzzle piece won't fit" you are faced with a choice as a parent. Solve the problem for the child or do what we do and ask "And what do you think could be done about that?". The younger the child the more likely you will get a shoulder shrug, but to ensure that children are solving more problems via thinking as they get older, you can present them with practice. What follows are some examples of everyday activities that encourage thought and self-reliance versus dependence on others to make the world work in a way that makes them comfortable.
Making choices starts early in Montessori. As soon as an infant begins rolling on the floor in a Montessori classroom they are able to start making choices that direct what they will do next. While these choices may not be as conscious as the choices adults make, much of the circuitry used gets exercised in a similar fashion. As a child progresses both within and across the classrooms they make more complex choices every day. This self-directed learning is the beginning of a self-directed life. We consistently argue that a self-directed life is one the owner of that life will value more than if it is directed for them. So how is it that you as parents can ensure your children are building a life they value and developing the critical wiring they need to make the choices that will facilitate that life?
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