Parenting is hard. As much as we see and can support with evidence the effectiveness of our methods when it comes to both educating and working with the behavior of children in the age groups we support, we also know that adopting these methods consistently is difficult for parents. We are all passionate about our children and we also come to the table with biases, influences, and a lifetime of experiences that may have us convinced that trying different things is either unnecessary or doomed to fail.
The toddler age group is generally seen as one of the more challenging when it comes to parenting. We are prone to disagree. While parents and toddler's alike may struggle at times with the limited communication abilities that come with the age, it turns out that there is one big thing you can do to get your toddler engaged and happy. Put them to work.
Good outcomes, regardless of where they begin, are the result of a lot of work. Outside of starting someone down the path toward examining something, quotes are – in our opinion - useless and frequently harmful. You will never really be able to understand a subject, an event, or especially a human being (including yourself), from a quote.
As a parent you may ask, “How do I help my child with social skills?”. Much like baking, using the phone to set an appointment, sweeping a floor, or getting dressed every day, maneuvering the minefield of complex social structures takes practice. Getting the social practice in requires the same thing as practical life – opportunities to try. And fail. And then try again. It is tempting as a parent to want to shield our child from the challenges and pain that social life brings.
Montessori facilitates an environment where children are free to explore, learn, and grow safely while providing guides to support children along the path. One assumption underlying this approach is that children are owners and active participants in their own lives who are capable of doing things on their own. We would go so far as to say that children begin to really own the choices that drive their lives and that they start growing apart from us from the second they are born. Controversial? Well, no. It is literally true the instant the cord is cut. As parents and educators we become blameworthy for developmental failures when we are accomplices in creating "adult children" rather than adults. This generally happens when we fail to become the guide that helps another human being desire to be in charge of creating their own story (hopefully one that is meaningful and fulfilling). The child that grows into an adult is the child that has had plenty of practice building the skills and traits that differentiate an adult from a 6 foot tall toddler.
Years ago, we came across an article written by a parent at a Houston Montessori school. In the article, the parent describes Montessori as Libertarian with a capital L. If we are being honest, we would tend to say the article "rationalizes" more than describes.
If we are being honest, we gave up on resolutions years ago. Our personal take is that life is a process of continuous development that is guaranteed to end both abruptly, and with many tasks left uncompleted. That is partially a reflection of our stoicism, but it is also an acknowledgement of the reality that life is precious and short. When we consider our wishes we take this fact into account, because if it is short for us it is short for everyone around us. We are not exceptional, special, or entitled to anything more than any of our fellow man – and that includes gaining any more of the precious seconds that tick by on our life clocks. Given this, we continue to press on with a continuously evolving personal to do list on the path to incomplete growth and personal imperfection knowing that there is no way our lists will ever be complete and that what we want today will not necessarily be what is best for us tomorrow. Life is funny that way.
There are of course numerous ways to look at parenting. For us, it is deliberate parenting that is done in a way that accomplishes something critical that is always best. That critical something is producing an adult human being who is competent, loving, humble, and joyful while simultaneously being able to live as a good neighbor and citizen.
One poorly informed criticism of Montessori is that it lets children do whatever they want. This is not only a nonsensical reading of Maria Montessori's education philosophy, it is also a surefire way to crush children and leave them with a deflated sense of self for life. That deflated person is the antithesis of the goal of what we do as Montessori educators. But raising free, satisfied, and admirable adults requires action and that includes that we as parents impose boundaries on our child. There is more than one type of boundary of course and today we are going to examine why each is important.
We find ourselves bursting at the seams in the infant room (and rapidly filling in the toddler room). Like many unexpected and negative events, the pandemic has led to a baby boom. When prospective parents call inquiring about a spot for their newborn (or soon to be newborn) and we inform them they can get on our toddler room waiting list for 2023 the shock tends to be palpable. But one nice thing about these booms (which we saw after 9/11 as well) is that it gives us an opportunity to focus messaging and education efforts in certain areas. One of those areas of focus is helping new parents understand some things they can be doing to ensure their child is getting the most developmentally speaking during some very weird times. What follows are some themes to follow with regard to what you can do with your infants and toddlers during specific developmental timeframes. These are themes and not in-depth examples because, honestly, each of these can fill a fairly lengthy document on their own.
While cultural ideas and practices change, what does tend to stand the test of time are virtues and the moral development they stem from. The list of Aristotelian virtues is quite long, but there are a few worth calling out to demonstrate the point of them being timeless: courage, proper ambition, truthfulness, wittiness, patience, and friendliness. We would struggle mightily to argue with the possession of any of these traits being a bad thing. It turns out with young children, some of the wiring for these virtues is not in place yet while other virtues seem to present or absence abundance from the earliest ages.
This will be our second year without a Father's Day Breakfast. We hope it is not only our last event to be lost (we are figuring out the possibilities for the luau), but that we can all take a moment in the absence of the breakfast and let the men in our lives know that we appreciate them. And let them know why. You will likely have unique reasons why the special men in your life are worthy of your praise. For us, the following characteristics are things we can't help but admire.
One frequent question we hear from parents is "Is my child normal?". The question is generally asked in the context of development. This is of course a very broad question and if we are being honest it is usually asked with some specific incident or developmental milestone in mind. There are a few very good resources we are aware of when it comes to understanding what those milestones should be and when they should occur. Stanford University School of Medicine, WebMD and the CDC all have outstanding resources when it comes to understanding development.
At the ages we support we have seen children trying every manner of ploy to get their way. Pouting, tantrums, arm crossing, yelling, and many of the granddaddy of them all - "NO!". And this is expected. Just as an infant cries to fulfill needs it doesn't understand, younger children try a variety of things in an attempt to get what they want or need. This isn't "mean" manipulation any more than an infant crying would be considered so. These behaviors are simply an expression of the limited experience and tools that a young child possesses.
As parents we all hit a wall sometimes and a thought similar to the following enters our head. "I have no idea what to do about my child's behavior". "Behavior" as used here can refer to any number of things. Biting, tantrums, refusing to do what they are asked, ignoring ground rules and any number of other irksome behaviors can leave us baffled as parents. The better phrase perhaps is undesirable behaviors.
Every once in a while we hear a statement that makes us recoil. That is "Montessori just lets children do whatever they want". We have even heard this from people who would otherwise be trustworthy when it comes to information, people who are generally regarded as cautious prior to reporting information. Unfortunately, on occasion, these people are on platforms that are capable of spreading information - good and bad - very rapidly.
One question we get from friends and relatives outside of our geographic area is "what should I look for when looking for childcare?". We might normally admit to being a tad biased about some things, but when it comes to choosing early childhood education, we are pretty open and honest. Beyond geographic challenges there are good reasons why we tend to not simply say "us".
One of our favorite activities at the school is gardening. We have kept plants in the curriculum as, among other things, a way to teach the children about growing food. As usual with Montessori, the best way is the hands-on way. Watch the edges of the playground and you will notice a series of box planters. Over the years these have yielded some wonderful classroom treats.
We have been in the early childhood education game for a long time. We have seen so many things in terms of words and actions from preschool aged children and confess we are rarely surprised any more at the variety of behaviors.
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