Culture change is inevitable. Our “ways of doing things” are almost all relatively new in the grand scheme of things and many things we consider “traditional” and “timeless” would be unrecognizable to someone of a similar background 100 years ago. So while we may say some ways of doing things are timeless, the truth is that this statement borders on being preposterous. While cultural ideas and practices change, what does tend to stand the test of time are virtues and the moral development they stem from. The list of Aristotelian virtues is quite long, but there are a few worth calling out to demonstrate the point of them being timeless: courage, proper ambition, truthfulness, wittiness, patience, and friendliness. We would struggle mightily to argue with the possession of any of these traits being a bad thing. It turns out with young children, some of the wiring for these virtues is not in place yet while other virtues seem to present or absence abundance from the earliest ages. Whether present, lacking, or waiting to develop – part of parenting is ensuring that virtue is developed to the greatest extent possible in every child. What follows are ideas on ways you can encourage virtue in your children.
Provide opportunities to learn patience since, generally speaking, children grow impatient when being lectured about patience. In a world of instant gratification and nearly Pavlovian slavishness to stimuli, patience is becoming an overlooked and underdeveloped virtue. It is very easy to provide opportunities to demonstrate patience with young children. If you have an activity that your child is looking forward to, explain to them that there are chores or other activities that need to be done before you can get to the fun. For example, if you are heading to the pool, note that the floors have to be swept or the counters need to be cleaned before you leave. They can even help if they want it to go quicker.
Friendliness is more than it may seem at first glance. In the Aristotelean sense this is as much about your social IQ as it is your social skills. Grace and courtesy can be encouraged with young children – particularly during play time (or as a follow up lesson to a disagreement with playmates). You can teach your child to prioritize and value the people in front of them by ignoring your phone when interacting with them. If it rings – simply explain to them that they are important and phone activities can wait.
Courage is an item we encourage in the values we teach, but it is also a virtue. There are seemingly some people who rubberneck past every accident while others run to the scene to render aid. While we recognize this inherent drive as heroism, it doesn’t mean that the more timid can’t demonstrate courage. It is okay to push and guide your child to try things they are afraid of. Obviously, nobody wants trauma to be inflicted, but introducing new things regularly and reminding your child that they have found many things they enjoy simply via trying is useful. Providing examples of how you do things that make you nervous can help them as well.
Temperance or self-control comes easier to some people. Of all the areas we may see our genetics reflected in children, this tends to stand out the most. Sometimes it is a sense of pride when we see something we like about ourselves suddenly appear out of nowhere in our child, but other times we see annoying habits we have long since worked our way past emerge in our children like a ghost from the past. Helping your children recognize the benefits of moderating things that can hurt them is critical to them realizing the control they have over their own actions. Helping them to see the effects of excessive anger, moodiness, tantrums, or other negative behaviors and guiding them in ways to channel them into more appropriate behaviors is necessary.
Generosity or magnanimity doesn’t have to be grandiose. The simple act of being considerate of the feelings and circumstances of another human being is a demonstration of a generous spirit. Sharing our toys with friends and helping our parents and siblings with chores are obvious and useful ways to teach children that being generous with what they have will yield rewards. For parents, helping children understand charity through your actions is very worthwhile.
In the lists above we have slipped in examples of the most obvious thing you can do – demonstrate virtue yourself. You are the first model – both behaviorally and genetically – of all things your child may become. There will be countless influences in their lives, many that will not be good, but none will hold center stage as long as you can as a parent. Take the opportunity to ensure that they are seeing the act and consequences of making virtuous choices. As they architect their lives through the choices they make – even from the youngest ages – they know the rewards that virtue brings.
