Here are some events to ponder:
– A 12 year old who has never held a baseball bat before will hit a home run the first time they swing.
– A new 15 year old driver will be able to safely drive the vehicle at 80 MPH the first time they get behind the wheel.
– A random 16 year old would be able to safely land an airliner in an emergency with nothing more than some basic instructions from a remote operator.
– A four year old sits down at a computer and types out an original poem that is as beautiful as those of the greatest odes.
– A nine year old who has never mastered the most rudimentary of mathematical calculations is able to use math to predict where a ball that has been thrown will be in space at any given millisecond.
– An 18 year old college freshman who has spent their entire lives having all of their options selected and their time managed for them will make consistently good choices when faced with the barrage of opportunities – good and bad – that their new environment offers them.
We would suggest that each of the above scenarios are – more or less – equally likely. Each item in the list takes skills that are derived from a good amount of practice. While no sane parent would hold the expectation that your child beats the odds with regard to the first five items in the list, a number of parents seem shocked when their child is unable to beat the odds with regards to the final item. What is a parent to do?
Making choices starts early in Montessori. As soon as an infant begins rolling on the floor in a Montessori classroom they are able to start making choices that direct what they will do next. While these choices may not be as conscious as the choices adults make, much of the circuitry used gets exercised in a similar fashion. As a child progresses both within and across the classrooms they make more complex choices every day. This self-directed learning is the beginning of a self-directed life. We consistently argue that a self-directed life is one the owner of that life will value more than if it is directed for them. So how is it that you as parents can ensure your children are building a life they value and developing the critical wiring they need to make the choices that will facilitate that life?
– Make child friendly environments. Ensure that the area where children play presents enticing choices while not overwhelming them or setting them up for excess failure and frustration. Keep choices of what to do at the child’s level – not at yours. Keep the number of choices reasonable so that the child can clean up and keep the environment organized. When a child balks at picking up it is often from the size of the mess they see before them. Minimal environments are easy to manage.
– Offer simple choices daily. Complex choices are not within the grasp of a three to six year old child. These young people do not possess the experience to be able to foresee the outcomes of their choices. It then follows that “Would you like to read book A or book B?” beats “Go to your shelf of 50 books and choose the one you want to read” every time. Presenting limited choices at young ages helps to ensure happy outcomes from the options they choose.
– Reinforce outcomes NOW. Younger children will not readily associate something they did 6 hours ago with praise or scorn at the current moment, so be sure when their choices carry a consequence – good or bad – that you address it now and then move on. When they choose to paint and have a good time remind them that they made a good choice of what to do. Acknowledging that they were involved in a decision that brought them happiness is empowering and positive.
– Don’t praise the easy choices. “Good job” may seem like a good idea, but if it is given for something your child has chosen but has already mastered it reinforces nothing. The time for clear praise is when your child chooses and masters a new challenge. Their own sense of self-esteem and pride are deserved at that moment and should be acknowledged.
Choices get harder as we get older. Giving children the practice they need to make choices as well as reinforcing with them that ultimately it is them – and not you or anyone else – that owns their lives via their choices is what matters.
